Are you tired? Strung or cracked out 99% of the time because of your addiction to the idiot you call yourself being “in-love” with? If so… This is not the place to come for help. I must warn you; due to the contents of my current inspirations, I have no good advice to offer. This is simply a result of one cup observation, 2 cups experience, and a glass of plum wine (to add an extra kick). What initially set this very emotional state I’m in was an assignment I was given at work. I was to monitor a patient who was suffering from severe alcohol withdrawals. As I watched this young man (who is in his mid 30s) I couldn’t help but to feel an overwhelming amount of compassion for him. I thought to myself… He’s so young, and the abuse has literally robbed him of his physical youth. I then asked myself… Why do WE all do this to ourselves? We torture ourselves with the various types of abuse and in most cases it almost takes something fatal to happen before we get up and do something about it. I applied that mans withdrawals to that of my own. I have suffered spousal abuse. No I wasn’t beat upside the head… No one Ike’d me. I’m talking about verbal, emotional, mental abuse. Abuse that I continued to take because I was “in-love.” In most cases, they had no real respect for me. They didn’t adore me as those romantic novels would profess. They were liars, cheats, cheap, lazy, nasty, stank, filth cakes. sorry… Point is >they just weren’t good people< Stupid thing is, I dealt with it. What can I say. I was addicted to loving. Addicted to turning worlds around. Addicted to making these little boys dreams come true. I was addicted. When this addiction was removed i would suffer in some sense the same symptoms... Shakiness, anxiety, depression, fatigue, difficulty thinking clearly, and bad dreams just to name a few... Not being able to bare.. i would go get a replacement which would be a somewhat diluted verson of the crap I had been accustomed to... So knock knock… who’s there? Abuse. Abuse who? I’ll keep on abusing you if you let me!!! Great come on in!!! I won’t care if you don’t!!! =D Ok… you get the point. I have personally gained 40 pounds, trust issues, and debt because of this common addiction. Funny thing is… We women are told at Genesis 3:16 “your craving will be for your husband and he will dominate you. Sad thing is… 90% of the time, these dudes aren’t even our husbands. Let me repeat that; THEY ARE NOT OUR HUSBANDS!!!! Get it yet? No they haven’t put a ring on it and they tell you they love it. We eat those words up (notice I said words) and we carry on with the cooking, cleaning, paying bills and dealing with child support cases only to have them walk away from us in search of the chick with the green eyes and silky hair whose idea of companionship is with his wallet. Still, we continue to fight and fuss about a man who is absolutely incapable of loving us. The definition of abuse is as follows: “To use wrongly or improperly; misuse.” See that? Our love is being used improperly. Get it now? We are being misused? There yet? You should be. I should be. I am still guilty of “using”… being used. I know that all of my home cooked meals, encouragement, love, and intellect is all a big pot of whocares, but overall, I love to feed the homeless. I am tired. Sick and tired but my actions insist otherwise. I find myself constantly pursuing cavemen who beat you over the head several times a day and expect you to have dinner ready when he’s done. Whereas a real man, with his unique tribal characteristics, would find me, tie me with rope and ship me to meet his parents the day we meet. Well, maybe not the day but you know what I mean. He would adore me, take care of the family and hunt antelope when I desire to test my culinary skills. And even after all this I have said… even though I understand how I SHOULD be treated. I go the other way. So again… please, someone, tell me…. Why do we do this to ourselves?
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Love... A Different Type of Substance Abuse.
Are you tired? Strung or cracked out 99% of the time because of your addiction to the idiot you call yourself being “in-love” with? If so… This is not the place to come for help. I must warn you; due to the contents of my current inspirations, I have no good advice to offer. This is simply a result of one cup observation, 2 cups experience, and a glass of plum wine (to add an extra kick). What initially set this very emotional state I’m in was an assignment I was given at work. I was to monitor a patient who was suffering from severe alcohol withdrawals. As I watched this young man (who is in his mid 30s) I couldn’t help but to feel an overwhelming amount of compassion for him. I thought to myself… He’s so young, and the abuse has literally robbed him of his physical youth. I then asked myself… Why do WE all do this to ourselves? We torture ourselves with the various types of abuse and in most cases it almost takes something fatal to happen before we get up and do something about it. I applied that mans withdrawals to that of my own. I have suffered spousal abuse. No I wasn’t beat upside the head… No one Ike’d me. I’m talking about verbal, emotional, mental abuse. Abuse that I continued to take because I was “in-love.” In most cases, they had no real respect for me. They didn’t adore me as those romantic novels would profess. They were liars, cheats, cheap, lazy, nasty, stank, filth cakes. sorry… Point is >they just weren’t good people< Stupid thing is, I dealt with it. What can I say. I was addicted to loving. Addicted to turning worlds around. Addicted to making these little boys dreams come true. I was addicted. When this addiction was removed i would suffer in some sense the same symptoms... Shakiness, anxiety, depression, fatigue, difficulty thinking clearly, and bad dreams just to name a few... Not being able to bare.. i would go get a replacement which would be a somewhat diluted verson of the crap I had been accustomed to... So knock knock… who’s there? Abuse. Abuse who? I’ll keep on abusing you if you let me!!! Great come on in!!! I won’t care if you don’t!!! =D Ok… you get the point. I have personally gained 40 pounds, trust issues, and debt because of this common addiction. Funny thing is… We women are told at Genesis 3:16 “your craving will be for your husband and he will dominate you. Sad thing is… 90% of the time, these dudes aren’t even our husbands. Let me repeat that; THEY ARE NOT OUR HUSBANDS!!!! Get it yet? No they haven’t put a ring on it and they tell you they love it. We eat those words up (notice I said words) and we carry on with the cooking, cleaning, paying bills and dealing with child support cases only to have them walk away from us in search of the chick with the green eyes and silky hair whose idea of companionship is with his wallet. Still, we continue to fight and fuss about a man who is absolutely incapable of loving us. The definition of abuse is as follows: “To use wrongly or improperly; misuse.” See that? Our love is being used improperly. Get it now? We are being misused? There yet? You should be. I should be. I am still guilty of “using”… being used. I know that all of my home cooked meals, encouragement, love, and intellect is all a big pot of whocares, but overall, I love to feed the homeless. I am tired. Sick and tired but my actions insist otherwise. I find myself constantly pursuing cavemen who beat you over the head several times a day and expect you to have dinner ready when he’s done. Whereas a real man, with his unique tribal characteristics, would find me, tie me with rope and ship me to meet his parents the day we meet. Well, maybe not the day but you know what I mean. He would adore me, take care of the family and hunt antelope when I desire to test my culinary skills. And even after all this I have said… even though I understand how I SHOULD be treated. I go the other way. So again… please, someone, tell me…. Why do we do this to ourselves?
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